I’ve taken a short break from writing the last two weeks to put all of my effort into achieving a goal. Despite going all out, I did not get the result I wanted for reasons outside of my control.
Needless to say, I am feeling beyond disappointed and frustrated. Unfortunately, disappointment is something that we all deal with on an almost constant basis throughout our lives.
For most, that is a difficult concept to understand and accept. We all want to hear that we will go through life without suffering setbacks or disappointments.
I wish that were the case but it’s not. You will be disappointed in life. Over and over again. In all types of different situations.
The important thing is to not let disappointment derail your life. I have known many people that let disappointment ruin them.
Being intimately acquainted with disappointment over the years, I have learned how to deal with disappointment in a way that allows me to keep on going and taking the hits as they say.
There are three steps that I go through that help me accept and overcome disappointment. They are not the end all be all by any means, but I find them to be very effective.
Step # 1- Let it out
When you’re disappointed by something or someone, don’t hold it in. You need to vent your frustration in a healthy way that allows you to get it out of your system.
Even though it’s something we all go through in life, that doesn’t mean that it’s something that’s easy to accept.
Disappointment for me is never easy to accept. If you want the honest truth, it’s gotten much harder to accept as I’ve gotten older.
When you get used to winning, losing can be that much more difficult to tolerate.
You need to get it out of your system. When you face some type of disappointment in your life, figure out a way to let your frustration out that doesn’t include punching a locker like a dummy (my hand still hurts).
Give yourself a few days to vent. Talk to someone. Bitch about it. Yell about it. Write about it. Do whatever you need to do to make your peace with it and say everything about it you want.
You cannot hold it all inside of you. It’s not healthy. If you do not let it out, it will stay inside of you and fester. It will bring you down in ways you could never foresee.
Once you let it out, I guarantee that you will feel better. You will still probably feel disappointed and frustrated, but it will not be the end of the world like you thought.
Once you let it out, you can then figure out the next step.
Step # 2- Do something about it or move on
There are two possibilities within this step. Depending on the disappointment you are dealing with, you can either do something to improve upon it or move on.
If there is something you can do to fix a disappointment than by all mean you should do it. If you messed something up and have the opportunity to try it again than do so. Do not simply quit.
If the disappointment is something that is over and done with never to present you with another chance again, then accept what happened and move on.
If you cannot change or improve a situation or outcome, there is zero benefit to continue to stew about it and go in circles. You need to go to the next thing.
When you examine high performance people, you find that they have an ability to move on from a failure or disappointment almost instantly.
It’s scary how easy it is for them to do it. Experience with disappointment has taught them that there is no use spending time on something that they can’t do anything about.
This is where far too many people get stuck. I have friends that have literally been on this step for years. They let one disappointment hold up their entire lives.
You can’t do that. You need to move ahead.
Step # 3- Review your goals and find the next thing
After I have gone through the first two steps, I find that reviewing my goals helps to put everything into perspective and decide where to go next.
Reading over my current goals allows me to remember where I want to go. It helps me to keep the big picture in mind, which can be difficult to do when dealing with disappointment.
It also reenergizes me. It helps me to get my focus back on the things that matter. I remember that this disappointment is one little brick within an entire wall that I’m building.
Once I review my goals and start to feel focused again, I immediately begin looking for the next thing to pursue. You have to constantly be going after something.
That’s the only way that I’ve found I am able to stay pumped up about life. Without a goal, you’re simply just existing. You need something that gets you excited every day.
Once you find that next thing, go all out in getting after it. Put all of your anger and frustration into going after that new goal. It will pay off.
Pivoting from disappointment
Disappointment is never easy. It only seems to get harder. Unfortunately, it’s part of life and something that we need to deal with if we want to be high performance people.
It’s important to get over a disappointment quickly and minimize the negative effects it has on your life. This is much easier said than done, I know.
The time it takes to recover from a disappointment will be different for every situation. The important thing is to proactively take steps to address it and move on.
You have to keep in mind that the current disappointment you are dealing with is going to make the next win that much sweeter.
In fact, when you look back you will be grateful you went through the disappointments you did in most situations.
Keep going and do not quit on your life. Ever.
Thanks for reading,
Dan
Hi,
My name is Nérine and I like:a) the choice you give between improve or move on b) the example you give between high performance people and people that hang on to disappointment. c) how you feel when you read over your goals. Wishing you all the very best!
Hi Nerine,
Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Thank you for stopping by!
Omg this is so true! And I avoided doing all the things you recommend because….procrastination?? Ugh, it did not work for me.
Once I started to actively work through my problems and disappointments, my life literally turned around and I am much more content these days.
Anyone reading this: take Dan’s advice to let it out. This is by far the best piece of advice to make your life easier. Seriously.
Great post Dan!
Hi Irma,
Procrastination happens to us all LOL. I really think that working through them is the way to go. It can be painful but it makes all the difference in my experience. Thank you so much for the kind words! I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Thank you for stopping by and thanks for your comment!
Hey Dan!
These 3 steps are super useful. I love how you always have a positive and solution oriented mindset. It is so true that we must be moving towards the next goal of ours and not to let any setbacks or disappointments hold us back from becoming the best versions of ourselves. I believe with the right mindset, disappointments can be your biggest opportunities for learning and growth – if you allow them to be. Acceptance plays a big role in overcoming disappointments. I especially enjoyed the link you included too, as it is relevant to the theme of this post too! Great content Dan. Thanks a ton and look forward to more down the pipe!
Cheers!
-Bex
Hi Bex,
Thank you I’m glad that you enjoyed the post! Very true! Love that mindset. Thanks for stopping by as always and thanks for your comment!!
Hi Dan, you have listed some great tips to overcome disappointment. Let me share my experience with you, after my education I was not able to find my suitable job. I was highly disappointed. And, because of that disappointment, I became too uninterested and afraid to face any job interview.
Goals were in place, still I was not achieving, what I desired. Thanks to my habit of book reading, they have taken all my disappointment away from me by filling me with inspiration. I would day that your article summarizes exactly those points,that I have learned from various different books in nut shell.
I’m sure after reading your article your reader will find immediate relax from disappointment within minutes, without going through many different books. Thanks for sharing this useful post.
Hi Akshay,
That’s a great story. I really appreciate you sharing it. Disappointment can be devastating to a persons life if they don’t deal with it as fast as possible. I love that you used reading to do so. That’s one of my favorite ways to immediately shift my outlook or view of something. Someone else’s words, especially someone that’s an authority in a particular area, can be very powerful for causing an immediate shift in our thinking. I hope this post is able to do the same thing for those who read it. Thanks for stopping by and thanks for your comment!
first question that comes to mind is the level of disappointment we are talking about here. one can be grieving over the loss of a family member or friend which will most likely stay with you for a very long time where as daily set backs like losing your job can be dealt with a lot easier. Personally speak I’m quite gifted in this field as I do tend to get over disappointment very quickly. Yes I totally agree that everyone has their own ways of dealing with it but the steps which you have discussed do make it very clear. Golden rule for me is to always think that whatever has happened is for the best and something better is around the corner ,it’s natures way ,this always works for me.
Hi TJ,
Agreed. Not every disappointment is of the same size and loss is something different. I am talking about the type of common disappointment we all experience in life, usually stemming from the failure to reach a goal. You are lucky if you are able to move on from disappointment so quickly. I have gotten better, but I still would not say that I am able to do it quickly. Love that way of thinking!! Thanks for stopping by and thanks for your comment!
This post is definitely spot on regarding disappointment. I can definitely say recently I was THOROUGHLY disappointed in this cleaning business I had created a couple of years back. Needless to say it failed.
What I did is reflect on what went wrong for a long time and then reminded myself that just because the cleaning didn’t work out, that doesn’t mean that I should stop owning my own business and stop being an entrepreneur.
So what I did was do my research about the online world and being an internet entrepreneur. I must say not only have I accepted that the cleaning didn’t work out but I’m able to move on to something even better and a smarter way of making enough money to live.
I definitely related to this post. One thing life’s taught me is that time will still move on. But the question you have to ask yourself is will you move on from you disappointment in life?
Hi Jovan,
Thank you. I’ve been there. Business disappointments can be especially disappointing and devastating. That’s the right mindset. Just because one thing doesn’t work out doesn’t mean the next thing wont. As Babe Ruth said “every strikeout brings me closer to the next home run”. You have to keep going. Sounds like you are definitely on the right path. It can be difficult to move on, but I think once you get moving on the next thing you are definitely doing the right thing. It may take a while for the disappointment to fade, but you have to keep moving. Thanks for stopping by and thanks for your comment!!
Hello Dan,
I really enjoyed reading your 3 step process to deal with dissapointment and i totally agree with the points you have talked about from personal experience.
Sorry about your hand. lol, I used to punch walls and lockers as a way to vent but i have found a more productive way to vent.
an intense 10minute Work out does the trick.
I am still learning to let go and not overthink things i cannot deal with but that takes time and practice to master.
Hello,
Thank you. I am glad you enjoyed it. LOL yes it was very stupid but it’s feeling better now. Working out definitely helps a ton and has helped me feel much better in the following days following the disappointment I talked about. I am also still learning but I have gotten much better at it. It’s a skill that needs to be constantly practiced. Sounds like you are on the right track for sure. Thanks for your comment and thanks for stopping by!
It really does seem like some people walk around with a dark rain cloud overhead that could cause massive disappointment and frustration at any given moment; however, we have to realize that disappointment happens to every single person many times throughout life. I like that your first step is acknowledging that you’re disappointed, angry, upset, etc. but the rest of the steps are NOT dwelling on it. Dwelling on something will not accomplish anything and that’s something that I, myself, need to learn. It’s so easy to fall into a slump. I like to believe that we grow from each negative experience and grow from there.
Hi Angela,
Yes it really does sometimes. It definitely does happen to everyone, although it seems like some people deal with more of it than others. It is extremely easy to fall into a slump and it can be very difficult to just move on, but it’s necessary. You are 100 % correct! Thanks for stopping by and thanks for your comment!